I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I bet he comes in French.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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