he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
