I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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