is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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