how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
