i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
