too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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