she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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