i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Randomize
