He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
