News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
