So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
