awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
