Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
