His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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