Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
