When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
