im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
