Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
