Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
birth control should be required to get into college
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
