Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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