he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
