I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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