actually, I'm a sock model
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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