good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
How external is "for external use only"?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
