honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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