It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
