based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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