JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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