In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
