Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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