fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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