if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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