its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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