don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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