I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
