I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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