wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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