smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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