Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
