No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
birth control should be required to get into college
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
