Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
