Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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