You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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