You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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