okay pat passed out under dana's car
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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