Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
