I'm going to jail i love you
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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