Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
