Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
