I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
