weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
