I hope mine doesn't look like that
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
